Loki's Prison Journal
by Sophia E
Summary: How to take over Midgard in 90 days or less while bound and muzzled in an Asgardian dungeon. Beginning with pranks on all the Avengers. Because world domination should never be boring. No non-canon pairings.
1. Imprisoned

_This story is dedicated to D., the biggest Loki fan I know. 1/17/13_

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own The Avengers or any of the Marvel characters. This is fan-made work and not for profit._

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**Day 1. **

Thor took me back in chains to Asgard, muzzled so I could not call upon my magic, and they have imprisoned me in the deepest cell in the palace.

The cell is not uncomfortable, but there is nothing here. The floor and walls are bare grey stone; the sheets and blankets utilitarian and there is no color anywhere. None of my books or other possessions are allowed me. They remove the muzzle only once a day to feed me.

I do not know how long I can stand it. The boredom… it crawls up my throat until I think I will go mad.

**Day 2.**

I am penitent. I keep my eyes downcast. Oh, how humble and remorseful I am.

I know they are watching me.

**Day 3.**

Without my magic, I am nothing. I am powerless. I cannot stand being so feeble.

I bang my head against the stone wall until I bleed. Then, dizzy, I allow myself to slump to the floor.

**Day 4.**

I wake on my bed. I have been bandaged, and my hands stroke oddly familiar textures on my bedding. I look down. They have given me back the embroidered feather quilt from my chambers. I touch its rich patterns and I breathe more deeply before I sleep once again.

**Day 5.**

At mealtime, I refuse to eat. I turn my head away and face the wall. I say nothing.

Eventually the guards put the muzzle back on and leave me alone in the dark.

**Day 6.**

I am lightheaded with hunger, but I still will not eat. Another day passes and I curl up in my bed, my eyes large and sorrowful in the dimness.

**Day 7.**

Thor comes to visit. I knew he could not long stay away.

"Brother," he says. "I am sorry."

I gaze at him with my eyes wide. Penitent. I am penitent.

"You must eat, brother."

I shake my head slowly and he sighs.

"They told me I could not remove the muzzle, but I will stay with you." He looks at me, his eyes hopeful. My expression is neutral. "See, I brought you one of your favorite books." I peer at the title, and I smile inside. Poetry. How… intriguing. Thor always used to make fun of my interest in poetry and literature. "I cannot leave it with you, but I can read to you."

I gaze at him and nod slowly. He opens the book and begins to read. I close my eyes and let the words wash over me.

I fall asleep leaning against his shoulder.

**Day 8.**

Thor removes the muzzle. "Brother, will you tell me why you will not take sustenance?"

I work my jaw, and then meet his eyes carefully. "I will go mad in this cage, without my books, bound like a dog." My voice is hoarse from disuse. "It is no life, so why should I cling to it?"

He stares at me, and heaves a long, deep sigh. "I cannot bring you books or weapons," he says. "It has been forbidden."

"Is there anything you can bring me?"

His head droops a little. "Perhaps something that it is clear you can do no harm with."

I consider him for a moment. "What about games?"

He regards me, then after a long while he smiles. "You always loved games." He tilts his head. "I will ask."

**Day 9.**

Thor is pleased when he returns. "You are to be allowed a game of your choice, brother! What would you like me to bring you from your rooms? Your chess set? Or one of your strategy games?"

I cross my arms. "I want a game I learned to play in the human world."

He looks puzzled. "What game is that? Only tell me, brother, and I will travel to Midgard to fetch it for you."

"I need a computer. And an internet connection."

Thor's expression is one of complete bafflement. "I do not know what those are, but I have promised on my honor to bring you your game, so I will ask if that is allowed," he declares.

**Day 10.**

"They say you must ask for something else, brother."

I turn my head away from him. "There is nothing else I want." I lean back against the wall and close my eyes. I am very weak. "Do not trouble yourself any more, brother," I whisper.

**Day 11.**

Thor comes bounding into my cell, a huge grin on his face. "Brother!" he exclaims joyfully. "I have pleaded your case with the Allfather, and your wish is to be granted! I go tomorrow to Midgard to bring you your game equipment."

He has forgotten to remove the muzzle, but I turn to him and clasp his hand. I let gratitude shine in my eyes.

That night I eat and he regales me with stories of the old days. As we sit quietly after the meal, my stomach protesting the unaccustomed use, he tells me, "As I said before, I swear on my honor as a prince of Asgard, brother, that I will fetch you exactly what you ask for, or die trying."

As he walks away, I smile under the muzzle.

The fool.


	2. Loki's Army

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own The Avengers or any of the Marvel characters. This is fan-made work and not for profit. With apologies to "Thank you for choosing Cat Facts!" for a portion of this chapter. 1/18/2013_

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**Day 12. **

Thor visits to tell me that he has consulted with Tony Stark, and that they are laying fiber-optic cable on the Bifrost. They have installed a wireless access point in Heimdall's dome.

I raise my eyebrows. "Did you tell them the purpose?"

Thor's eyes shift. "Apparently, SHIELD has wished to have a method of communicating with us for some time."

I smile. "You did not mention me."

Thor shuffles nervously. "I have found that it is best to avoid your name when speaking with Midgardians."

I look hurt. "What, can't they take a joke?"

"Brother," he says seriously, "they are afraid of you."

I sigh and lean back against the cell wall. "Well, they have nothing to fear now." I gesture at my prison walls. Bitterness creeps into my voice. "I am powerless and imprisoned. There is no way I can wreak havoc on their domain." I lower my eyes so he will not look into them. "When will my computer be installed?"

Thor looks at a piece of paper in his hand. He puzzles out the Midgardian writing. "They say their 'IT professionals,' whoever that is, will have everything ready by tomorrow."

**Day 17.**

My MacBook Pro has been installed and hooked up. I found out that Thor asked Jane about the Internet, and she told him it was like a huge library of Midgardian information.

"I spoke with the Allfather, and he agrees that it would be a harmless study for you, since they have no knowledge about magic, to learn more about the mortals." He raises his eyes to me. "He hopes that it might teach you wisdom and compassion, as my stay amongst the mortals did me much good."

I cannot help my scoffing reaction. But inside, I am smiling. It seems Jane forgot to tell Thor that the Internet could also be used for two-way communication.

Thor's eyes are concerned. "Brother, I also hope this might be true." He pauses. "It could lead to you being released from this cell," he offers.

I shrug. I am eager to begin trying out the equipment without his overbearing presence. And I do not want to hear more of his boring attempts to 'redeem' me.

Thankfully, he does not stay long.

By the end of the day, I am an expert in Internet technology. (What did you expect? I am a genius, after all.)

**Day 18.**

Today I begin to implement my plan to take over Midgard. But first…

What is world domination without a little bit of fun? Not to mention the effect I can have on the morale of my opponents. I hack into SHIELD and bring up their list of confidential private phone numbers for all the Avengers. I start an anonymous proxy server and open the text emulator I wrote last night.

_Thank you for signing up for the Loki's Army automated texting service, (Steve)! You now will receive fun daily quotes and facts about LOKI!_

Steve: What is this?

_Did you know that Loki is a shape shifter and has birthed many children in his female form? (To cancel daily Loki facts, reply 'cancel')_

Steve: cancel!

_Command not recognized. You have a (year) subscription to Loki's Army! Would you like to receive a text from Loki's Army every hour? (reply 'asdfwieklsjfsj' to cancel)_

Steve: asdfwieklsjfsj

_Thank you for choosing Loki's Army! You will now receive fun (hourly) updates!_

Steve: cancel

_Command not recognized. Please let us know you are human to cancel by completing the following sentence:_

_Your favorite Norse god is (blank)._

Steve: Thor.

_INCORRECT. Your favorite Norse god is LOKI. You will continue to receive Loki quotes and facts every (hour)._

Steve: Who is this?

_Welcome to Loki's Army! Loki has said, "It is an unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation." Do you want to kneel before Loki? ;)_

Steve: shut up! I'm calling this number if you don't stop.

_Thank you for texting Loki's Army! "The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life's joy." Remember, every time you text you will receive an instant Loki quote. Each day, one lucky winner who texts will receive an autographed picture of LOKI! (To cancel, reply 'wxklwjsqq289g'.)_

Steve: wxklwjsqq289g

_Command not recognized. Did you know that Loki said, "An ant has no quarrel with a boot."_

Steve: Stop

_"You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel." (To cancel Loki's Army, reply 'qwekkjskssk38929ksxxmt'.)_

Steve: qwekkjskssk38929ksxxmt

_You want to cancel? Please answer the following question to confirm you are a human._

_Your favorite Norse god is (blank)._

[long pause]

Steve: Loki

_INCORRECT. You previously said your favorite Norse god was (Thor). You will continue to receive (hourly) Loki quotes and __facts._

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**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews, faves, and follows! Let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions for more Avengers pranks!


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